The ‘career’ is one of the life domains about which we have the most regret. Despite that, many of us remain in undesired occupations, harbouring our dirty secret. We schlep to work then trudge back home, punctuating our struggle with distractions to make it more palatable and justifications that keep us there: I keep doing this so I can go on great holidays; I keep doing this for our beautiful new kitchen; I keep doing this because my parents are proud of what I do.
Yet the niggle just keeps returning.
What I’ve observed when it comes to career inaction is that the “I keep doing this because…” is usually followed by an external motivator… financial reward (or more usually financial traps) and the expectation of others are two I repeatedly hear from those I coach and research. What we know about external motivators is that while they can be very useful for encouraging certain behaviours that lead to desired outcomes (pay rises, promotion etc.), they may not sustain that drive in the long run. And they may not ultimately satisfy us in the ways we are seeking.
(Oh. That’s what that niggle is).
What if you could say “I keep doing this because… it truly excites me”? What if you were driven by the interest, enjoyment and satisfaction inherent in the behaviour or activity you were engaging in? Just putting it out there: you can be.
Once people get past their justifications of why they persist in the struggle, the next hurdle is often: “I keep doing this because… I’m not sure what else I could do”. And this is one of the biggest mistakes of wanting to but not making a career transition. We think we need to have the answer before we take any action, when the reality is, we just need to start doing the doing. Research now shows that action rather than over planning is the strategy that is most likely to help us make a career shift that is sustainable. Testing out possible new careers and pathways can help us to get a realistic job preview, which had we had the first time around, we might not be where we are today. Individuals’ engagement in “provisional trials of possible future selves” or identity play, as Herminia Ibarra[1] calls it, is something a coach can usefully support you in doing, helping to disentangle your responses to this experimentation.
However, it’s important to remember that in the process of changing our career we are also changing ourselves. Our career tends to be such an integral part of who we are that with the pivot in occupation comes an often painful letting go of the way we have spent many years defining ourselves. It doesn’t need to be painful though, if you can start to see how that previous identity was a steppingstone to creating your new one.
We often look back mourning our old selves, when the reality is that the path that led to where we are is part of the story of who we will be next
Oh, and if you ever start to feel bad about your dirty little secret, then know you’re in good company, even JLo has regrets about her work[2].
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[1] Ibarra, H., & Petriglieri, J. L. (2010). Identity work and play. Journal of Organizational Change Management, 23(1), 10-25.
[2]https://www.elle.com/uk/life-and-culture/a30527586/jennifer-lopez-career-regret/